When I was 13 years old, I went down the street to the house where my older brother was babysitting. I thought it would be fun to hang out with him and play with the 2 boys he was being paid to baby-sit. He was 15. I thought he was the coolest person I knew. When I got there the 2 boys were watching TV and my brother was alone on the patio drinking alcohol. He told me the only way he could get me to not tell our parents was to get me to drink some, too. He was going to ‘treat’ me to some real fun! He was my older brother. If he was doing it, I thought it must be ok. That was the first time I ever got “tipsy”.
On New Years Eve and other special occasions, my parents would have alcohol at the party. My 3 siblings and I were allowed to have a few sips of the champagne or wine to celebrate. We were all teenagers. It was no big deal.
All through High School, I was invited to “keg Parties” in the desert with my brother and his friends. I would drive out there with him and I could have as much beer as I wanted. I never paid for anything. I just went there with my brother. It was cool. And fun. And I loved hanging out with my older brother and his friends. When I was with him, I never had to answer were I was going, who I was going to be with or even when I was going to be home.
Our parents just trusted us. They figured if we were together, we were safe. They thought he would never let anything bad happen to me. He was such an outgoing, friendly, happy and trust worthy person. He had everyone fooled. I believed everything he told me. And so did my parents.
Luckily for me, I was very active in other activities as well. And after time, my passion for success was stronger than my passion to be “cool”, even to my older brother. I went to college and got involved with a group of very dedicated people. It took me away from the negative influence my brother had on me.
Now, I am a mother of 2. Now my son is 13. And I don’t think it’s “cool” or fun or even remotely okay for him to even take a sip of alcohol. I am grateful that my son doesn’t have an older brother or friend that has the power over him like my older brother did on me. But I am not going to just trust that someone won’t try!
My husband and I always know where he is, who he is with and when he is going to be home. We spend tons of time with him, his sister and their friends. We trust him AND we ask questions and stay involved.
My husband and I do occasionally have an alcoholic drink. We keep some alcohol in our house. And we talk to our kids about it. We talk about commercials, movies and TV shows with drinking in them. My children ask a lot of questions about drinking and where you draw the line between drinking for pleasure and taste and drinking to get drunk….how does it feel to be drunk and/or tipsy…what, when and how much is too much? And they ask if they can have a sip…
The answer is always a loving, no. But a ‘no’ with answers. The drinking age is 21 for a reason. And we give them those reasons so they understand. Because we will not always be with them when an “older brother” offers them a ‘treat’ to be cool.
--- Debby Rosenthal, Mesa