Rough ride causes mom to recommend: start talking early Both of my children had alcohol problems when they were in high school, and what I learned from those years—now thankfully over—is that 1) every parent must know the signs of drug and alcohol use, and 2) don’t ever think your kids aren’t doing it.

My daughter had problems with alcohol and pot, so we moved to a better neighborhood before my son got much older. I wanted to be away from the gangs and graffiti. But I learned the neighborhood didn’t matter; my son started drinking in 8th grade.

He had friends whose parents would say, “I’d rather they drink here if they’re going to do it.” In fact, one father would load up a fishing boat with beer and let the kids drink all day on the lake. Our house was the “no alcohol house,” and my son knew that. So he didn’t hang out there. None of the kids would come to our place.

I’m pretty sure that by high school, they were drinking every weekend. It’s not that we agreed with what he was doing. He knew how we felt and that grades were important. A’s, B’s, and C’s were acceptable. Any D’s or F’s weren’t (that meant he never opened the book). We would ground him if that happened. He had a curfew and usually made it home on time.

But patterns were patterns. Sometimes he’d come home, and I look at him and immediately know, “you’re drunk” or “you’re stoned.” You can’t hide it. We would talk, and he would say he felt bad about it, but soon go back to the same behavior. We’d ask him to be honest, and always to call us if got in trouble and was unable to drive. Just don’t harm another person or himself by getting behind the wheel, we’d say.

Before prom his senior year, I talked to him for months and months in advance about being responsible. For three months I prepped and said “just don’t drink in the limo.” I told him to just wait and be safe. Instead, he and his friends filled water bottles with vodka and drank in the limo the whole way to prom. Of course, they got kicked out.

When he was 17, he was pulled over while driving drunk, and ended up losing his license for three years. He lost time off work because of court appearances. I lost time off work going to court, and I spent $3,000 on an attorney. Yet, the very next day after we finished with the courts, he went up to NAU and got caught using a fake ID to buy beer. The very next day.

I cried and cried and cried. I couldn’t believe it. When he told me over the phone from Flagstaff, I was silent. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t say anything. My silence made him truly feel bad because he knew this time there was nothing left to say.

After that, he didn’t risk it anymore. I’m sure he still drank, but he didn’t try to buy underage or drive while drinking. Ultimately, he did graduate high school on time and completed college at NAU. My kids did learn, and as adults now we’ve looked back on it, and I’m just so glad they made it. What I learned from all this is that you have to start talking to kids in grade school because the longer you instill the right message in them, they’ll have that much longer to think about it. They’ll know early where you stand and what your words mean. And no matter what kind of neighborhood you live in, know that the same problems will exist in nice homes and where there’s graffiti.

--Sheryl, Phoenix