Psychiatrist says start talking, don’t ‘sit idle’

My 17 (soon-to-be-18) year-old niece jubilantly informed me this month that one of her roommates in college is 21 years old. I took the bait and asked why this would be such an important issue to her. Because, she stated, she can legally buy alcohol. Why should this matter, I retorted, when you won’t be drinking it anyway, and then I launched into my litany of reasons not to engage in drinking at such a young age. Whether she heard me or just gave me the expected response over the phone, it’s important that as parents,
teachers, mentors, and family members we ask them not drink—even when we know it is accessible to them anyway.

As a child psychiatrist, underage drinking is an issue that I deal with daily. I could feel overwhelmed with the numbers of kids out there drinking; like the little boy with his thumb in the dam. But on the other hand, the little boy with his thumb in the dam is doing something, not just sitting idly by. I have seen it all, from kids starting out at 8 and 9 years old to kids who drink with their parents’ permission (with the thought that “as long as he’s home, I don’t have to worry about where he is”), to parents who give alcohol to and drink alongside their kids. For all of these families my message is the same. Where has it gotten you? And the answer is clear. To detention centers, early probation, conduct disorders, court rooms, kiddie AA meetings, and heavier drug use.

More times than not, parents have no clue when underage drinking begins so the best advice is to start talking about it early. I was in a restaurant once when I heard a grandmotherly figure talking to her little granddaughter about drug use at the next table. She talked about Uncle Johnny and his drug and alcohol use and then went on to discuss how Uncle Johnny had ruined his life, and had to go to rehab. I gave secret glances over to their booth to see how the granddaughter was absorbing all of this, and frankly even though grandma was well-intentioned, the girl looked shell-shocked.

While talking about underage drinking should start early, it can also be tailored to each age group. When kids come home after experiencing programs like DARE in schools, this can be a starting point to give kids your opinions against underage drinking. What is most important, however, is not to assume that your kids won’t engage in underage drinking without a strong influence from you.